Posts Tagged ‘ice cream’

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Monday, November 19th, 2012

Hello Gentlemen –

Wow, the holidays sure did rush in on us, didn’t they? I almost forgot to buy my turkey… and since my dog didn’t bring any in this year (she’s doing much better, thank you to everyone who asked. Up and running, but not very long distances yet), I had to go to the store. And yes, to anyone that asks, I make an *amazing* bird! I just finished putting it in the pot to brine with a couple of oranges and a cup of honey, and have gotten a few pounds of bacon to slide under the skin. Bacon makes everything better πŸ™‚ Especially if you’re a vegetarian!

It’s common knowledge at this point that food is the way to a man’s heart, but I have my suspicions that if science ever does find a way to a woman’s heart, food will somehow be implicated in that as well πŸ™‚ Maybe moreso for some than for others, and maybe even more for me – I’ve been known to enjoy a human sundae on occasion, and I’ve got quite the sexual appetite. I scream for ice cream! I actually just scooped myself a ball of scotch bonnet ice cream, which plays a surprisingly fun game of hot and cold in my mouth. It would probably do the same to you. We should try that…

I’m not really a true believer in aphrodisiacs, but it seems my personal taste compels me to stock my fridge with chock full of all those goodies that supposedly drive a girl wild. Figs, ginger, oysters, chocolate, honey, avocados, arugula, shrimp… I grow a big tub of basil, rosemary and sage growing by the window, as it’s just too much of a hassle to for me keep fresh herbs in the fridge. Maybe that’s my secret? Such a good secret I’ve managed to keep it from *myself* all of these years (I do pride myself on my discretion, thank you very much) – I just figured that I liked good food πŸ™‚

I was thumbing over the the internet looking for a good frosting recipe, and I once again stumbled upon Intercourses, the lusciously beautiful aphrodisiac cookbook. I’ve given it as a gift so many times (and just ordered a copy for my friend’s housewarming party later on this month), but I’ve never actually owned the book myself. Um, I’d like to? I *really* hate to be the one to rush through holidays, but I’ll gently remind you that Christmas is coming…

Not to be too short with you all, but I’ve got things to do and lemons to zest, so I’ll leave you with a joke and a video πŸ™‚ But before I go, I’ll remind you of something else I forgot- my new pics in the photo gallery. They’re over there now (just not before last week’s casino trip as I promised – but wll in advance of my next one in January!) so go take a look πŸ™‚

Top Ten Things You Can Only Say at Thanksgiving

10. Talk about a huge breast!
9. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
8. If I don’t undo my pants, I’ll burst!
7. That’s one terrific spread!
6. It’s a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
5. Just wait your turn, you’ll get some!
4. Don’t play with your meat.
3. I didn’t expect everyone to come at once!
2. How long will it take after you stick it in?

And the Number #1 thing you can only say on Thanksgiving….

1. I’m in the mood for a little dark meat.

Happy Thanksgiving!


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Familiarity breeds context

Thursday, May 12th, 2011

Hello Gentlemen –

Spring is in the air! And you know what that means… spring cleaning! I’ve got a new vacuum cleaner, and I suppose I’m finally ready to let go of (pieces of) my collection of leather skirts, mismatched underwear, and religious-themed jewelry. I also have to go through the site and dust it off a bit, and polish a few things up. Any suggestions? I updated my age in the details section – late 20’s will cover me for a few more years, I forgot to update it with my last birthday. I’ve crossed the quarter-centennial mark, so I’ll just let you know when I’m due to celebrate the big 30, lol. I also updated my favorite ice cream flavor, but that’s obsolete already – the new reigning favorite is Pineapple Coconut. Stay tuned.

It was also time to find a new favorite chocolate shop. I absolutely adored Tom and Sally’s – one of my favorite things about Brattleboro VT was their dark chocolate lab rat shaped truffles, followed up by their mint chocolate pasties! The chocolate bodypaint was pretty good too, and it even came with a real horsehair brush. Too bad they closed, or they would definitely still be my favorite. But, times change, and so my favor now shines on Portland Maine, where Dean’s Sweets continues to blow my mind! The dark chocolate ginger truffles are really good. The tequila lime truffles are insanely good. The lemon apricot chevre truffles are surprisingly good. And they’ve got *bacon*. Who doesn’t love bacon? I don’t care if you’re Jewish, Muslim, or vegetarian, just own up to it – you love bacon πŸ™‚

Speaking of Maine – I go there sometimes. Mostly during the summer. If that is news to you, then it sounds like someone should be checking the calendar… you’ll see me on the NH seacoast quite a bit more often though. Again, mostly in the summer. Aside from that, I haven’t really had the presence of mind to come up with many summer plans – I’m just so glad it’s here! And I’m glad I get to be here for it πŸ™‚ And I’m glad to get to spend some of it with you πŸ™‚

Though I’m trying to be better about it (and sometimes I’m not sure why) most of my travels usually go unannounced. It’s not that I’m avoiding you or anything, it’s just that I do a lot of things that are in no way related to this facet of my life here, and it honestly slips my mind for the most part. Unless I see you across the beach (or the mall, or the post office, or whatever), and you give me that death stare like “you’re *here*? Why didn’t you call me?” Or you are with your friends or your wife and I can almost see you start to wilt like lettuce in the hot sun… Let’s take a moment here.

As hard as it may be for some of you to believe, I am a real person! Really! I am not a rockstar, even though I pretend to be when I’m in my car singing along with the radio πŸ™‚ I am not an elusive spectre of the night that comes out only in pursuit of pleasure, though often I wish I was. Nope, I exist 24/7/365 like the rest of you. This means that I go grocery shopping, get oil changes on my car, go to the bar with my friends, and take my dog to the park. If you’re around my local area, meaning all of New England (I was never one to sit still) I may see you at some point, and you may see me.

Contrary to popular belief, this is not a life shattering experience. Unless you’ve told anyone, no one knows but us. Maybe your girlfriend if she was there. You do not need to hide, cover your face, leave the room, or adjust your tie and cough loudly. You also do not need to wave, call my name, or grab my butt (maybe if no one’s looking). You can choose to either know me or not, but really, there are no rules for who is allowed to know who in this world, so it’s not like saying hello to a woman automatically insinuates that you’ve spent some time sweating over the sheets with her. Something generic such as “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while” or “You look awfully familiar” is leaps and bounds better than leering at me like a perv from across the room, or shaking until your wife (I’d say husband, but women seem to intuitively know how to cheat, lol)Β  is driven to ask exactly what is suddenly the matter with you.

Generally, I will pretend not to know you. It’s nothing personal, really. I pretend not to know most people, lol. You’re busy, I’m busy, I don’t know where you’re going and you don’t know what I’m late for so maybe it’s just best to text me later and say you saw me. If you’re with someone, I’d rather not intrude, so let’s have the vice be versa, unless you also know the girl I’m with. I will not wave to you in front of your wife (or anyone), so there’s no need to worry about that. Although if you start sweating bullets and turn an autumnal shade of red with your eyes locked in my direction, you may has well have pointed me out and told her that I look much better naked. Please be discreet! Just act normal. Because really, there is nothing out of the ordinary about a short black girl running errands or going out, is there?

I’m not going to flip out if you do come over and say hi, so long as you’re respectful about it. I’ve had plenty of friends, professors, co workers, etc, so it shouldn’t be hard to figure out where you might know me from… just please don’t tell everyone I’m your girlfriend, or drug dealer. I’m neither, but I’ve been passed off as both. And don’t waste your time coming up with a seamless cover story for how we ended up having that wild one night stand in London last summer – also not smooth. I will probably flip out, depends on the occasion. I will definitely flip out if you just start following me because you can’t think of anything to say and hope you might think of something before I get to the end of the street. I don’t know what planet you think *I’m* from (planet awesome!), but some of you guys need to get the heck out of Uranus…

Of course that doesn’t actually apply to you, I was just preserving syntax πŸ™‚ You guys are generally tactful, urbane creatures until the clothes come off. Most guys, if they make fools of themselves such the examples above, are usually cognizant enough of their error not to call me again, not that I would pick up anyway. However, sometimes it is not so easy to be a gentleman, and unpredictable situations ensue, forcing us to try our hand at experimental etiquette. Such as –

  • You’re at work, knowing that you will be meeting with some consultants today, and you walk into the boardroom. There is a disinterested woman in the corner folding paper airplanes out of your agenda – Madame X. What do you do? Hmm… you could say hi. Leave it at that, and carry on with business as usual. We’ll take each other aside later and fill each other in on a possible back story. Or, we could fake meeting for the first time. I’ll follow our lead if you follow mine! This is probably the most likely scenario on the list, but it could get worse…
  • You’re wife’s best friend is getting married for the 5th time, and so you’ve spiffed yourself up to accompany her once again, planning to hit the open bar for as long as it takes to make the night interesting. You’re wife’s friend’s boss’s son, who also makes a bee line for the bar, has brought a date! Enter Madame X. If it’s a situation where we’re doomed to spend the entire evening wallowing in the disjointed details of our backstory, it’s best not to have one – we’ll screw it up or step on each other at some point, and there’s too many people to refute it. Let’s meet again, shall we?
  • You are at the bar, having a fun and lively time with a couple of your friends. I know how guys talk (or at least I imagine that you’re not altogether alien from women, so…) your friend is telling you about this great girl he’s been seeing. Great body, she’s a gymnast. Smoking hot round ass. Butter soft skin. nipples like hershey’s kisses. And she even makes a decent joke once in a while. He’s not telling you anything you don’t know already, because he’s talking about Madame X. What to do? You are on your own there, my friend. Far be it from me to tell a man how to treat his fellow man. Chances are he’s in on the same secret as you are, but it’s your call.
  • Your son/daughter is quite the social butterfly, but that’s only to be expected. S/he has decided to make use of your beach house, and invite some friends up for the weekend. You decide that you could use a break as well, so you’ll spend the day up there, then leave them to get their respectful and non-housewrecking party on for the night. As the friends start showing up… so does Madame X. It is time to either come up with the most G rated cover story you can muster, or just get the hell out of dodge. I wouldn’t hold it against you either way. Unless you happen to have a daughter (and I can feel you cringing now so I’ll just put you at ease and say that this is not a true story) who is also involved in this lifestyle, there is very very little chance that they will be any the wiser this time around – the only friends I have that know about my presence here are my college friends that are also doing this, and none of us mention any names even to each other, unless of course it’s an official introduction.
  • And the flipside – your friend tells you to swing by to pick up some speakers. Huge bass bombers with rubber cones, how could you say no? You sail down the driveway and pull up behind the garage, where you see a very familiar looking car. Your friend invites you in, apologizing for the fact that his daughter also decided to stop in for a bit. Inside is Madame X. For the love of Crust, you have never seen me before in your life!

By comparison, finding yourself standing behind me in line at the bank doesn’t seem like such a big deal, does it? I didn’t think so πŸ™‚ Til we meet again!

~Mme X~


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Charcoal Gray Saturday

Sunday, November 28th, 2010

Hello Gentlemen!

I really did mean to have a newΒ  post up to wish you all a happy Thanksgiving, but it seems like I got back from California just in time to start baking pies. Which were delicious, btw. Thanksgiving is actually one of my favorite holidays, after Halloween and sometimes New Years and Easter. It’s just about the food – the crowd I usually eat with at Thanksgiving all prepare a delicious feast! A surprising hit was the corn souffle. It tastes way better than it sounds, I assure you. Anyway, we just barely had enough time to cram all the leftovers in the fridge before the Xmas (not to be confused with Christmas) season officially started and the clock chimed Black Friday. From here to the big day, I’ll probably need to pop an Ativan before walking into the mall… just kidding. I won’t be going to the mall again until January.Β  Thank God for the internet, once-click paypal checkout, and to the fine men and women of the USPS.

I actually did a large part of my holiday shopping on the left coast this year (and let those fine aforementioned men and women figure out how it was all getting back to my house, lol), and I was able to cross off the people that usually give me the most trouble (i.e. the people I already gave roombas to).Β  I realized though, that I didn’t get anything for myself. Not a single thing… unless you count ice cream, churros, sushi, and several hundred pictures. I just didn’t think of it, until I was unpacking boxes of other people’s presents.

Not that I’m deprived or anything! You gentlemen give me such wonderful gifts, I can only do my best to make sure that I deserve each and every one of them. With you guys, I really have everything I need… and much more lingerie than most women probably need, but I’m a special case πŸ™‚ And thanks for the sex toys too! The flowers get dried, framed, and hung on the wall, and of course I eat the chocolate. The most precious gifts to me are that of your consideration and company! I know it sounds cheesy but it’s true… I just wanted to take a moment to let you know how much I appreciate you. Before things get *too* emotionally charged in here, I’ll share a funny joke with you!

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.

And she was somewhat upset. ‘You are a disrespectful pig!’ she cried. ‘How dare you do this to me — a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I’m leaving you. I want a divorce right away!’

And the husband replied, ‘Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened.’ ‘Fine, go ahead,’ she sobbed,’ but they’ll be the last words you’ll say to me!’

And the husband began — ‘Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.

I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn’t eaten for three days.

So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn’t eat because you’re afraid you’ll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments..

Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.

Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the expensive designer jeans that I bought you a couple years back, but don’t wear because you say they not the “in” name this year.

I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don’t wear because I don’t have good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don’t wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots I bought you at the expensive boutique and don’t wear because someone at work has a pair the same.’

The husband took a quick breath and continued – ‘She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, ‘Please … Do you have anything else that your wife doesn’t use?

On a tangentially related note, I couldn’t stop myself from picking up the latest Time magazine and pouring over the modern statistics of marriage. Maybe you did too? Anyway, I figured I could add a few personal observations on the subject, in terms of the subject which brings us all together here. Not to talk to you guys like you’re a freakish niche of the population here, but *some* of you might be surprised to know that *most* of you are single. I myself was surprised as to how many of you are in open marriages, which is awesome hope for my future, as I seek to enjoy such an arrangement once I finally sucker some poor person into moving into my house and living amidst my vast shoe collection. I’m still hoping to find a woman that will love me and share in my love of cock, swing clubs, traveling, and food… and hopefully also enjoys watching baby seals play in the surf, going to obscure jazz clubs, and occasionally getting freaky with electricity πŸ™‚ Ideally, I’d like such a woman not to throw all of my money to the wind, or ruin the organization of my house. If I can find such a woman, I’ll happily consider joining the 41% of the population who believe that marriage is still a practical option in modern relationships.

Equally as appealing would be a man who doesn’t freak out for no apparent reason when I proceed to live my life exactly the way I *said* I was going to, or suffer a complete nervous breakdown when he realizes that freaking out isn’t making me change my mind. Oh, and he’d have to like sex a lot πŸ™‚


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It starts with ice cream, and ends with…

Friday, July 30th, 2010

Hello Gentlemen –

Hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend! Myself, I’m a bit at loose ends for the moment… I was planning to spend a little bit of time over at literotica, but they’re changing platforms or something over there and it appears some things have gotten lost in the shuffle! I had just picked out the appropriate toy for the occasion (the skinny lilac colored one. It may not look like much, but the bullet in the tip is really strong! And it’s flexibility makes it comfortable in a wide variety of positions, which is the primary reason I’m using it now. Yes, now :)) and spent a few minutes looking through stories before I found one that promised to be a satisfying read – It starts with ice cream. Two bisexual girls and a guy meet at a club and pick up ice cream afterward, and make some hopelessly contrived small talk while I get comfortable and ready to get to the good part. Finally, all the way at the very bottom of the first page, one of the girls puts ice cream on her boobs. Yay! I happily click to continue to the rest of the story and… 404 Not Found!

Needless to say, I’m a touch frustrated. I’m also very horny, so that makes me sexually frustrated. I know the story will probably be back online tomorrow, but that’s several long hours of disappointment away! It’s times like these I wish I had someone in my house to sexually satisfy me at my whim. Unfortunately, I’ve never been able to get anyone in here that’s honestly as devoted to that purpose as they promise to be at the start of the situation – before long they’re whining and complaining, needing things like food, sleep, medical attention… or like the last one, extra spa visits (and she hadn’t even moved in yet). Plus, I’d probably never get any work done!

If I had my ideal situation though, I think I’d like to be added in as the extracurricular activity in an already existing and heterosexual relationship. I like guys, I like girls, and I love threesomes! And that way, all the emotional groundwork is already laid between them, so all I have to do is familiarize myself with their code of conduct, and get myself laid twice as often πŸ™‚

I would definitely expound upon that idea further… but I’m going to watch porn instead. Care to join me?

~Mme X~


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Mixed Signals

Sunday, March 7th, 2010

Hello Gentlemen –

I saw my first set of bats today, signifying that the weather is officially on it’s way to getting better! Those leather-wing things only come out when they’re sure they can get some non-frozen food, lol… which also means bugs are coming out early this year. Speaking of, I need a new bat house! My last one didn’t survive the winter, and I’m afraid that without it carpenter bees will try to move into my porch again. They don’t sting, but they aggravate my dog… anyway, warmer weather means less clothes, which means more eye candy for you πŸ™‚ I know it’s still a little early, but at least we have something to look forward too – longer days and shorter skirts!

In particular, I’m looking forward to my upcoming foray with NYC… for many reasons (and please do get in touch if you’d like to be one of them). One being, a I left a girl there a while back that I just recently got in contact with. She’s smart, adventurous, has the cutest smile in my known universe, and is ridiculously fun to go our with… and she’s drop dead gorgeous. Ludicrously cute, her ass is seriously unbelievable! And best of all, she’s fantastic in bed. We used to get together when I was in the habit of frequenting the city on business (and yes, I once again broke the cardinal rule of not dipping one’s pen in the company ink… even though I have no such proverbial pen, but whatever) but of course, little non-committal me let her get away. She kept saying she’d see me when she came up to Boston, but the few times she was up this way I wasn’t, and eventually I suppose we got tired of chasing each other around.

I used some of my down time this week to track her down and schedule a conversation (we’re both equally busy, and this wasn’t *her* week off, so I hope the fact that she made time for me is a good sign?), and she’s just as charming as ever. She invited me to come over to her place at some point during my stay, and of course I offered to have her come down to my place instead, to save her the housework that always follows entertaining. At which point she reminded me that the corner store on her block stocks mango ice cream, and she has no idea what flavors are available at the store downtown… and left me hanging to my phone with my memory of the last time we ate mango ice cream off of each other in her living room.

Aside from a semi-favorite ice cream flavor (I can’t commit to just one flavor!), I love the fact that we have so much in common, especially in the bedroom, where we immediately hit it off. Ice cream being the first one – google tells me I’m a splosh fetishist, meaning I enjoy mixing food with erotic action πŸ™‚ I’ll admit that I have quite the sexual sweet tooth… I usually tone it down a bit during my encounters and limit myself to whipped cream, cherries and carefully controlled chocolate syrup, if only for the reason that I haven’t found a good set of rubber sheets yet (*ahem*) and wrapping the bed with saran wrap just isn’t my idea of satisfying foreplay. I also enjoy a good shock of cold once in a while, so ice cream wins again. It’s good to wake up the nerves once in a while to make sure that they’re all alert and responsive to whatever touch they’re about to enjoy… making a bucket of ice a handy thing to have during an extended amount of oral indulgence. Temperature play is also one of this girl’s favorite things – and one of *my* favorite things was spending the night blindfolded on her bed while she kept me in suspense with her collection of stainless steel sex toys, each sitting in a different temperature of water. It was delicious running through the range of pretty damn cold (I swore I heard her open the fridge once or twice) all the way up to sauna hot ! I’d say I want to relive those moments, but I’m sure we’ll think of something even more fun to do to each other this time around. Still, I’m bringing along my steel anal plug to throw in the freezer for her as revenge πŸ™‚

~Mme X~


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Time for Travels!

Wednesday, July 15th, 2009

Hello Gentlemen –

Looks like summer’s finally in full swing! If the rain holds off a few more days, I’ll be happily on my way into the wilderness to do some diving πŸ™‚ In the meantime, I’ve been doing my best to take advantage of the sun, and catch up on the tan that I *should* have had already.Β  I have so many cute bikinis that have yet to see the beach!

Hopefully they’ll get some beach time in August… I’ll be up on the rocks of Portsmouth from the 4-7th. I still have unfinished ice cream business with the Beach Plum from last year – I demand to know how they make their ginger ice cream so godd*mned delicious! Best I’ve ever had, seriously. And they always have new flavors to become my new favorite, we’ll see how well ginger holds up this time around πŸ™‚ I haven’t tried that Green Monster flavor they have there, and I am intrigued…

Even though I really don’t want to think about anything that may happen after August 31st (this summer’s gonna last forever!), I’m kind of excited to start planning my first trip this September with my girlfriend. I’m the planning sort, and she’s a bit of the free spirit type (or perhaps still stuck in the Jamrock time zone – if you’ve ever waited for a bus in Jamaica, you understand) , so our dates are still highly tentative in nature (I’m working on it). However, there is a party that I really, really want to go to in Philly at the end of September, so I’m nearly 90% certain that you can count on seeing us there from 9/21-9/28. Up until then though, I will be hard at work shopping for shoes that match the new green silk panties that I bought for the occasion. Of course, they’ll be hidden under my dress for the entire evening, but at least *I* will know that I’m properly attired. And yes, my girlfriend does have a matching pair πŸ™‚

Fetishes are a weird thing. While I can’t say that I have many definable kinks, I do indulge in temporary sexual fixations from time to time… and quite frequently, I do suppose. I’ve been feeling quite tactile lately, silk is my favorite feeling of the moment πŸ™‚ But recently I met this girl that has me wanting to shine up some latex bodywear, preferably pre-stretched across the curves of a hot chick…

Not that it’s news to any of you guys, but some of the girls in this little pastime of ours are *smoking hot*… to the point where only a thin veil of shyness is stopping me from picking up the phone and dialing them and asking them to come over and take all of my money, lol. Aside from a few delectable encounters where good and generous gentlemen such as yourselves have kindly introduced us (thank you!), I haven’t had the pleasure of meeting or undressing the ladies that I see listed with me on the provider boards… I guess I just don’t know how they’d respond to a call from a woman.

So anyway, the girl that I’ve been fighting the urge to call this evening (I like to respect the privacy of others, so no names until she gives me her express permission – but feel free to try and venture a guess!) has pics all over her site of her wrapped in an ultra-tight hot pink latex dress… I downloaded one as my new laptop wallpaper πŸ™‚ And it got me thinking about latex clothing. Normally, the thought does nothing for me, but tonight it does wonderfully sexy things… I’m nearly halfway tempted to try squeezing into some latex outfits myself! With something that tight, it’s like being fully dressed and completely naked at the same time… a delicious dichotomy if you ask me.

Unfortunately stores are closed right now, and I’m afraid if I order online I’ll be over my immediate obsession before they arrive. Instead, I’ll just be watching scandalous films… much like this one here, enjoy!

~Mme X~

So many choices!

Friday, June 19th, 2009

Hello Gentlemen –

Hope you’ve all been enjoying your summer, in spite of the recent string of rain… my lawn is happy with it, so I can’t say that it’s a bad thing overall, lol. Luckily, most of my days off have at least been partly sunny, so no complaints here πŸ™‚

Recently, my girlfriend celebrated her birthday! She’s one of those girls lucky enough to be born in weather worth celebrating, so I was happy to celebrate with her. Unlike me, she doesn’t do birthdays in such a big way. The way I see it, there’s only one day a year that belongs to me and no one else (unless you also happen to born on the same day, in which case happy birthday to you too), and I’m going to use that day and all the excuses that come with it to it’s fullest extent! I eat multiple varieties of cake, ice cream, alcoholic beverages, and whatever other delicious indigestible substances come my way. There’s 364 other days to worry about the consequences!

Anyway, we went to the spa (something I only do with her – she’s crazy about it, and I’m slowly getting to the point where I can sort of relax while strangers invade my personal space with hot stones, nail clippers, molten wax and other things that I don’t think strangers should normally approach me with), drank wine… and enjoyed some lingerie πŸ™‚ But that’s for me to remember, and you to fantasize about… sorry you weren’t there.

Sometime during the evening, it occurred to me that I could think of at least two very good uses for a double-ended dildo. Unfortunately, I lost my last such toy during the only robbery I’ve ever experienced (taken from my luggage, which I was too tired to drag in from the car after a drive back from NYC) and never replaced it. So, this week I spent my idle hours on the internet in pursuit of a worthy addition to my toy collection. There are so many choices, but I’m quite the perfectionist, especially when it comes to finances and fuckability, and these most intimate purchases.

http://www.edenfantasys.com/dildos/double-ended-dildos/tango

The first device that caught my attention was the Tango… I have something very similar to this, but this one looks like an ever-so-slightly better design. I like the placement of the vibrator bullet, as well as the shape of “giving” end… I think it could target some of the crucial points a bit better πŸ™‚ Of course, I can’t tell you how much better it performs until I get one, and sadly, I can’t find a store that has this product in stock, even though they all want to tell me how great it is so that I wait until their next shipment. But until then, I’ll only imagine. It’s not like I’m in dire need ofΒ  a strapon at the present moment anyway, as I have a harness that I’m told does a fairly fantastic job. But hey, I am *always* on the quest for improvement!

While eye catching and mouth watering, the tango isn’t really what I was looking for this time around… I was looking for a toy that didn’t force quite so much power play into my bedroom (although it’s always fun to switch roles, I’d gladly be on either end of that thing, lol), and would instead create a situation where we could both fuck and be fucked equally. That’s the American Dream, as far as I’m concerned πŸ™‚ So, anyway, I came across (I wish the pun were intended but I don’t own it yet!) this cute and not-so-little thing… It looks perfect πŸ™‚ The pros are obvious – it’s really long, more than long enough for two girls to share, in any number of positions, with enough room for some observation and manual interaction, maybe even some ass grabbing as well. And the material, though not so tasty, is very soft and bendable, and good once again forΒ  a wide variety of positions! Cons? Well, it’s ultra smooth, which normally I count as a huge plus, but my girlfriend really enjoys heavily textured dicks. Luckily there are a few that offer one of each, but they all have their pluses and minuses…

As always, I kind of had my heart set on something electronic. If it’s something that’s strictly for use with my girlfriend or any of my male play partners, then I can do without the voltage, and just let the human element of surprise give me the extra edge I need. When I’m by myself though, if there’s not at least a little bit of buzzing, I just feel like I’m playing with myself. So I found this… it looks fantastic, save for one major point – what’s that grip doing in the middle? Yes, I do understand that it’s used to hold onto the thing… but I’d really let my PC muscles do most of the gripping when it comes to these types of things, okay? I can’t tell from looks, but I’m afraid it might be hard and uncomfortable… restricting skin-on-skin contact if we decide to try really hard and meet in the middle of this thing – which, in my hottest and wettest fantasies, we would πŸ™‚ Looks like it will have to remain a fantasy for a little bit longer, since this ridiculously tantalizing toy is also out of stock. I suppose I keep picking the popular ones?

After searching the internet, crossing and uncrossing my legs at least 20 times, and even taking a break to check out some porn, try as I might i could not find a site that had close to exactly what I was looking for. I did, however, buy a whole bunch of things that I was not really looking for, but desperately wanted once I found πŸ™‚Β  I’ll be awaiting a few deliveries on Monday bringing my recent purchases… and I’ve invited my girlfriend over for dinner that night to open the packages πŸ™‚

Mondays don’t *have* to suck, after all…

*Madame X