The Mystery of Madame X

Hello Gentlemen –

We’re 11 days into 2011… hopefully not too late for me to wish you a happy New Year? I really enjoyed 2010, and while 2011 looks like it’s going to be drastically different for me, I still think it’s going to be fun 🙂 Commitments will most likely be  keeping me pretty close to home for most of the remaining winter…  however I *really* really want to try sneaking out to San Francisco again. We’ll see what happens, won’t we?

It’s come to my attention that I really have to pay closer attention to posting my local tour dates. In my mind, my local area is New England so I don’t really think it’s necessary to note whether or not I’m in northern CT or Southern VT. I’m used to rural life for the most part so distances less than 45 miles don’t really strike me as worthy of public announcement, especially since I’ll only be there for a few hours anyway. However, I can appreciate that some of you considerate gentlemen don’t want to take me too far out of my way, and would rather not risk the imposition of inviting me out to the NH Seacoast when I’ve already accepted another engagement out by the casino. It just never really occurred to me since a lot of my time is spent at off the wall places that many of you would probably have to dig up on google (there is a Peru MA, and it is  beautiful), so it’s not like you’ll look up and be thrilled that I’m so close by, lol. Well… maybe one of you might be, every once in a while 🙂

Other things that have come to my attention that I would like to see if you’d like brought to yours – I also seem to have a weird sense of humor. Myself, I find just about everything hilarious (except spilled milk – it’s devastatingly tragic) and occasionally I find that I might even make a joke that you’ll laugh at as well! So, while we’re all laughing, it only just occurred to me that we might be laughing for different reasons…

I’m not making a profound point here, I swear. Really, this all comes to mind because of a conversation I had recently, with a random person who had by chance noticed my site. This man seemed to find the joke in my FAQ about Greece incredibly funny, and focused a good deal of the conversation upon it. While the rest of the conversation rapidly revealed to me that this man and I would probably not make a match for many reasons (if you like carefully maintained manicures, alluringly trashy tattoos, huge hoop earrings and Barbie doll bald pussies, that’s wonderful! However that’s not me, so no point in setting us both up for disappointment), it was hilarious to me that while he thought my quip was witty, he had entirely missed the original intent of it. He had assumed, simply because I asked the same question of my questioner, that I would never imagine ever putting anyone’s eager appendage up my butt, because lord knows no man would ever want anything up *his* butt, right? Of course such a reversal as a response would mean that we’d all have to be *crazy* to enjoy anal sex! Of course I wouldn’t do it. Would you?! I didn’t think so. How clever I am, for finding such a diplomatic way to decline such disgusting propositions.

And if that’s your attitude about anal sex, then you’re absolutely right. Stay the fvck away from my back door, buddy. But for the rest of you who see no reason why an alternate point of entry shouldn’t be a fun and exciting experience that *anyone* can enjoy, I don’t see why not either. It’s wonderful when it’s done right, as I’m sure you can agree. Not sure how to do it right? Well, first consider how you like it done, and then perhaps I can offer a few personal pointers as to how I like it done. Everyone’s different! I have a couple of different strap ons as well…

When someone talks to me about going Greek, I wonder if fraternities are really taking just *anyone* these days?

~Mme X~

Toys, Strap on and a rocking horse! brought to you by PornHub

Hello Gentlemen –

Hope you’ve all been enjoying your summer, in spite of the recent string of rain… my lawn is happy with it, so I can’t say that it’s a bad thing overall, lol. Luckily, most of my days off have at least been partly sunny, so no complaints here 🙂

Recently, my girlfriend celebrated her birthday! She’s one of those girls lucky enough to be born in weather worth celebrating, so I was happy to celebrate with her. Unlike me, she doesn’t do birthdays in such a big way. The way I see it, there’s only one day a year that belongs to me and no one else (unless you also happen to born on the same day, in which case happy birthday to you too), and I’m going to use that day and all the excuses that come with it to it’s fullest extent! I eat multiple varieties of cake, ice cream, alcoholic beverages, and whatever other delicious indigestible substances come my way. There’s 364 other days to worry about the consequences!

Anyway, we went to the spa (something I only do with her – she’s crazy about it, and I’m slowly getting to the point where I can sort of relax while strangers invade my personal space with hot stones, nail clippers, molten wax and other things that I don’t think strangers should normally approach me with), drank wine… and enjoyed some lingerie 🙂 But that’s for me to remember, and you to fantasize about… sorry you weren’t there.

Sometime during the evening, it occurred to me that I could think of at least two very good uses for a double-ended dildo. Unfortunately, I lost my last such toy during the only robbery I’ve ever experienced (taken from my luggage, which I was too tired to drag in from the car after a drive back from NYC) and never replaced it. So, this week I spent my idle hours on the internet in pursuit of a worthy addition to my toy collection. There are so many choices, but I’m quite the perfectionist, especially when it comes to finances and fuckability, and these most intimate purchases.

The first device that caught my attention was the Tango… I have something very similar to this, but this one looks like an ever-so-slightly better design. I like the placement of the vibrator bullet, as well as the shape of “giving” end… I think it could target some of the crucial points a bit better 🙂 Of course, I can’t tell you how much better it performs until I get one, and sadly, I can’t find a store that has this product in stock, even though they all want to tell me how great it is so that I wait until their next shipment. But until then, I’ll only imagine. It’s not like I’m in dire need of  a strapon at the present moment anyway, as I have a harness that I’m told does a fairly fantastic job. But hey, I am *always* on the quest for improvement!

While eye catching and mouth watering, the tango isn’t really what I was looking for this time around… I was looking for a toy that didn’t force quite so much power play into my bedroom (although it’s always fun to switch roles, I’d gladly be on either end of that thing, lol), and would instead create a situation where we could both fuck and be fucked equally. That’s the American Dream, as far as I’m concerned 🙂 So, anyway, I came across (I wish the pun were intended but I don’t own it yet!) this cute and not-so-little thing… It looks perfect 🙂 The pros are obvious – it’s really long, more than long enough for two girls to share, in any number of positions, with enough room for some observation and manual interaction, maybe even some ass grabbing as well. And the material, though not so tasty, is very soft and bendable, and good once again for  a wide variety of positions! Cons? Well, it’s ultra smooth, which normally I count as a huge plus, but my girlfriend really enjoys heavily textured dicks. Luckily there are a few that offer one of each, but they all have their pluses and minuses…

As always, I kind of had my heart set on something electronic. If it’s something that’s strictly for use with my girlfriend or any of my male play partners, then I can do without the voltage, and just let the human element of surprise give me the extra edge I need. When I’m by myself though, if there’s not at least a little bit of buzzing, I just feel like I’m playing with myself. So I found this… it looks fantastic, save for one major point – what’s that grip doing in the middle? Yes, I do understand that it’s used to hold onto the thing… but I’d really let my PC muscles do most of the gripping when it comes to these types of things, okay? I can’t tell from looks, but I’m afraid it might be hard and uncomfortable… restricting skin-on-skin contact if we decide to try really hard and meet in the middle of this thing – which, in my hottest and wettest fantasies, we would 🙂 Looks like it will have to remain a fantasy for a little bit longer, since this ridiculously tantalizing toy is also out of stock. I suppose I keep picking the popular ones?

After searching the internet, crossing and uncrossing my legs at least 20 times, and even taking a break to check out some porn, try as I might i could not find a site that had close to exactly what I was looking for. I did, however, buy a whole bunch of things that I was not really looking for, but desperately wanted once I found :)  I’ll be awaiting a few deliveries on Monday bringing my recent purchases… and I’ve invited my girlfriend over for dinner that night to open the packages 🙂

Mondays don’t *have* to suck, after all…

*Madame X