Posts Tagged ‘joke!’

Too Cool for School

Thursday, September 4th, 2014

Hello Gentlemen –

Well, it’s that time again in Boston. Back to school time. Enjoy the horrendous traffic while all the students drive back in from all over the country, figure out what streets their parking passes are for, and inevitably discover that Storrow drive is *seriously* not made for moving trucks.

I’m also going back for the semester, so things might get a bit quiet around here. It’s come time in my academic career to finally slay some required math dragons, and so I’ve got to concentrate…

Of course, you’re always welcome to call me up for a study break! I know that I’ll definitely need it! Nothing gets me to understand physics theories like experimenting with the physical 🙂

Here’s a quick study guide for you – these are actual math terms, with actual useful applications besides getting a giggle out of the hot geeky chick in the lab.

Cox-Zucker machine. What sounds like a high-tech device for oral sex is actually an algorithm used in the study of certain curves, including those that arise in cryptography. The story goes that David A. Cox co-authored a paper with fellow mathematician Steven Zucker, just so that the dirty-sounding term would enter the lexicon.

Fuzzy set. An ordinary set is like a club — you’re in or you’re out. With a fuzzy set, membership is a bit uncertain. Something can be both partially inside the set and partially outside. Fuzzy sets can be useful in biology and engineering in situations in which information is incomplete or imprecise.

Hairy ball theorem. This theorem is about how vectors can be arrayed on the surface of a sphere. Imagine a sphere covered with fur — with each strand of hair representing a vector. According to the hairy ball theorem, it’s impossible to comb the hair without creating a cowlick somewhere on the sphere.

LaTeX. Not for rubber fetishists. LaTeX is actually an offshoot of TeX (pronounced “tech,” a reference to technical typing), a popular computer package for typesetting mathematical terms and equations. LaTeX, which is considered more user-friendly than TeX, was named for its developer, American computer scientist Leslie Lamport, 73.

Tits alternative. No, it’s not about alternatives to breasts. The Tits alternative is a theorem discovered by French mathematician Jacques Tits, 83. It states that a certain class of mathematical groups has either one type of internal structure or another — that’s the alternative. Group theory has proven helpful in the study of everything from particle physics to Rubik’s cubes as well as mathematical equations.

Wiener measure. Size matters in math too. But the Wiener measure, named after American mathematician Norbert Wiener, who died in 1964, is an indication of how likely it is for a continuous function (think of a graph showing daily fluctuations in stock prices) to lie within certain limits.

Oh by the way, that’s not photoshop… it’s a real library. You’d be surprised how deserted those places are, what with the internet nowadays and everything 😉

2013 is looking up!

Friday, January 25th, 2013

Hello Gentlemen!

I know, I know… I really should have gotten around to putting up some new posts already this year, but I’m sure you can relate to the fact that stuff is going on. Lots of stuff! Not sure where to begin, really…

Uh, how were your holidays? Mine went very well, thanks for asking. And New Year’s? Amazing as well, very much enjoyed it. I came back to a couple of exciting developments at the day job(s), which pretty much had me running non-stop all January until literally *right* now. Whew! Fun times all around though, and I do it all again in a heartbeat… just give me a minute to catch my breath first!

I had a number of plans to up my travel time during the New Year, and figured I would kick it off with a trip to Philly. I’m sure I’m missing out on some fantastic times there, but between the fact that things were simply so hectic here, and the fact that because of all the goings-on I couldn’t find the time to reach out and tell anyone that I was going to be there (but a big thank you to those that noticed), I decided there wouldn’t be much harm done if I just called it off and took the extra few days to lounge around in my fluffy bathrobe and see what my local boys have been up to lately 🙂 I’m still here, and still in my bathrobe (which is as dressed as I ever get in my own home), so please do give me a call so that we can catch up!

In year-end reflection, I realized that I don’t really “tour” like a lot of ladies do. I really don’t do much like other ladies do, which leads to a lot of frustration when guys ass/u/me that I’m just like the rest… a pattern that seems to be growing lately since they started letting idiots get on the internet. Anyway, I don’t really tour in the traditional sense. I travel for work or to visit friends, and if I have time I will take time out to relax with a date or two during my stay. I don’t really put too much emphasis on advertising in the traditional sense, both because I hate ads and I keep such a “low volume” (god I hate that term) that there’s not really much point in it besides reminding the other ladies that I still exist. This area of my life has never really been allowed to take center stage – Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy you men immensely, but *individually*, not as a mass conglomerate. I love what I do here, but I’m more into the individual connection and the resulting intimacy than I am into the dynamics of the scene as a whole. I really can’t wrap my head around the fact that my attitude is rare, but you men keep telling me that it is… I’m not call you a liar, but I don’t believe you. If I’m good, then it’s only because you bring out the best in me 🙂

Still, after hearing so much about this “touring” thing from much more thoroughly branded girls than I, I decided that 2013 was my chance to give it a try. Apparently it’s not… but I definitely won’t just be sitting still, as the day job has several places they’d like to send me, and they’d especially like me to fit Jackson Missippi into my schedule (how subtle, right?), and I figure I should get a jump on that before it gets hot as Hell down there (I couldn’t resist). I might take a few days beforehand to spend some more time in New Orleans and indulge in a little deviance and debauchery – or maybe a lot, to make the trip worth it! Indianapolis is on my radar as well, but I’m waiting for that one to warm up… Stay tuned for those dates, though you of course know how to light a fire under my hot ass 🙂 Please do get in touch, as I’m sure I’ll be looking for company in both cities…

I’m also needed in Long Island asap, which according to Boston (who would like to see me move into my office), is going to be the first week of March. I’m actually excited, as I have some friends down there that I haven’t seen in quite a while, and I actually might be bringing a friend with me. Hopefully I’ll have enough time to squeeze in another post with more details between here and there… but if you just can’t control you’re curiosity, just ask and I will gladly answer 🙂

Where else? I did court some contracts in Philly because I figured I’d be in town (and I’m a workaholic), so I still do have to head out that way at some point. Sure, I’ve got Skype, but since I have to put on clothes for that (I tried the “neck up” camera thing for a while, and I kept getting called on it, so no more naked video conferences) I figure I might as well just fly out there.

Someone actually asked me the other day if I “toured” Brattleboro VT. Times are a changing, eh? Just to make it clear once again, New England is my local area. I never understand girls who post that they’re in one city one day, then post that they’ll be two town over the next day… I can’t tell who’s lazier, the girl who wouldn’t bother venturing a safe distance from home before publicly advertising, or the men who will see her in Waltham, but not in Lexington. For the record, I have a rather nice, comfortable car, and don’t mind driving short distances to meet you.

That reminds me, I do have some local travel to post on the calendar as well. I’ll be in Providence tomorrow, Boston on Sunday, Portsmouth on Monday, Manchester on Tuesday, and Boston again on Wednesday. All in my local area, as far as I’m concerned 🙂

Well, I feel a little bit of the tension I built up over January fading away a little bit… now off to a hot bath and my waterproof rabbit to melt away the rest. But first, enjoy this!

Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home. Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, “Notice anything different about me?”

Margaret looked him over. “Nope.”

Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots. Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, “Notice anything different NOW?”

Margaret looked up and said in her best deadpan, “Bert, what’s different? It’s hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it’ll be hanging down again tomorrow.”


“Nope. Not a clue,” she replied.


Without missing a beat Margaret replied, “Shoulda bought a hat, Bert. Shoulda bought a hat.”

Oh, and some porn, of course 🙂 And what a coincidence, I just bought a nearly identical checkered outfit on my way home last night!

Sexy milf wearing checkered stockings and high heels having anal brought to you by PornHub